Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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