Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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