OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
