I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
