you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
