Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
