i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Sext me about skeletons
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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