I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
