i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
