Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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