I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
