only if we run a train.
done.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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