Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I can't put those talents on a resume
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
