remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
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you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
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i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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