He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
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Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
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It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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