he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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