What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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