What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
