my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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