I want to have your abortion
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
