you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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