I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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