the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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