I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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