I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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