Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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