porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
