Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
