How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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