He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
you didnt know i had herpes?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
