You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Who died my cat blue again?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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