she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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