Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
