two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
