i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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