I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?