woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.