I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
