the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
