You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
