I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
