He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
