walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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