whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
