First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
