Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
