you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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