just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
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I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
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Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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