Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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