normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
