Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
