so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
