if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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