Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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