so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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