you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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