"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
