One girl and one boy is just not enough.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
