I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
