I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Randomize
