just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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