you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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