just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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