She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
We need a shit load of segways right now
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
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