My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
