I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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