Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
