fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
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