how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Let's get the cat blown out
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
