It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Bring me that man meat
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
