I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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