Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
