He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
