At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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